I'm About as Good as Dead: the End of Xah Lee
(note: refresh this page for possibily latest news)
dear all, my life is on the line.
starting tomorrow, i go do dish-washing, 9 hours a day, minimum wage, and possibly homeless next month. I fear i'd be cut off from any internet in a couple of weeks. Forget about all my wesites. And goodbye to being a software engineer forever, at age 45. By next month, i might be kicked out of apartment. I don't have place to go.
- i live on $3 per day for food in past 3 years. Eating noodles and oats with salt.
- I don't have a car. (sold it 2 years ago)
- I have $23 in bank. That is the total sum of my life's saving. (my 401k's gone 3 years ago)
- I haven't seen a doctor for 11 years. (what if i get sick or injury? I try to be VERY VERY careful. For small injuries such as sprained ankle, rub and rest.)
in short, i'm close to homeless.
why's that? long story. In short, in past 2 months i've been frantic in job seeking. (about 1 per week counting those resulting in interview with a engineer) But i don't interview well. Often, the engineer think i don't know how to write a nested loop.
why i didn't seek job all these years? well, i can only say i procrastinate and is ok living on a dime.
i've been thinking of doing a kickstart of writing emacs manual for $3k. But, i don't have time to do the kickstart now. And, i don't represent myself well, so am not even sure it'll succeed. (and, 2 weeks ago the IRS send a order to “seize” my money (ORDER TO WITHHOLD) to my bank for some $1.3k that they think i owe since about a decade ago. But i only have $300, so it sucked all of my $300 out (the IRS got $200, the bank charged $100 fee), and if any money is going to my bank, chances are it'll be suck out too. (no, i haven't filed taxes since about 2004, because my yearly income is about $0 to $1k.))
I have a good chance to be employed at the rate i'm currently doing job interviews. But, i go dish washing tomorrow, and afraid can't have the time to do software engineering job interviews (they often require a day to write code etc, and a trip to San Francisco for on-site interview costs $14 train ticket, about 5 days food money. (I go to interviews, try to pickout a T-shirt that's not 15 years old.)). I don't have money for next month's rent of $1600 that's due in 15 days. Tomorrow, i go into dish washing in some chinese restaurant for minimum wage. That means, good bye seeking jobs, good bye software engineering. I have to, i owe a couple friends money for THIS month's rent (May) paid in May 7th (late).
i've been hiding all these somewhat well in past years. I didn't mean to hide, it's just something no need to spread around.
How to Help
if you can help, paypal to firstname.lastname@example.org
buy my tutorial:
or buy my entire xahlee.info site content for $50. see ∑ Xah Code
[see Xah Lee's Resume]
or, send paypal to this my previous effort to something similar to a kickstart.
i won't be able to draw money from paypal right away, due to bank/IRS problem.
(do paypal anyway, because i can show friends or other potential lender and get the money via other means sooner or later. paypal now is better than nothing, till i can setup other means.)
or better, send your check to and addressed to:
- Huynh Kang at huynh.kang facebook or huynh-kang linkedin
- professor Richard Palais, home page at University of California Irvine http://vmm.math.uci.edu/, Wikipedia Richard Palais, richard-palais on linkedin
they are my friends and have been helping me financially recently.
contact them, send money to them. They'll let me know, and i think they understand.
my phone is 650 965 5071. (note: i only have 300 minutes on it. It's a $30 bucks pre-paid phone. In past decade, i have pre-paid phones, and half of the time there's no minute on it. My annual phone bill is about $30. I'm reserving the minutes for interview calls or emergency.)
my home address is
58 Evandale ave. Apartment A. Mountain View, CA 94043
drop food, drop cash.
help me move out of this apartment or find a room... (i don't have a car, and i don't have friends because i live like a platonic monk hermit for past decade. I don't have credit, because no income.)
If i get June's rent money, i have 1 month of good chance of hunting down a software engineering job. (in Bay Area here, it starts at $70k yearly salary. I'll have money to pay pack.)
i head to bed now. Sleep for 5 hours. Tomorrow 10am dish washing.
update: please do donate to paypal anyway. Thanks to Ian Kelling for suggestion, via phone. I got many emails and donation. I'll have time to read them tonight (about after 11pm). For those who bought my tutorial, wait for tonight, i'll email download link to you.
just got home. So far, there's a donation of $6k. Enough for few months, and much more if i find a place to move to. Good enough for me to land a job. (cross fingers) Thank you all very much.
so i did dish-washing in a Chinese restaurant today. Back breaking, indeed. (i've done hard labor for 3 years when i was teen. That's about 1987)
there are about 130 emails. I'm going thru. Not sure i can finish today.
i'll be back to dish-washing tomorrow. I think for a week at least, upt to May 23rd. I don't know for sure yet. Now with money, i don't have to continue dish-washing, but there's some obligations.
the only time i have now is from 3pm to 3:50pm and after 11pm. California time.
How to Get in Touch
right now i only have 3pm to 3:30 pm window open, every day. (Friday, Saturday, Sunday, are most busy for restaurants.)
it's a bit hectic. On one hand there are many critical emails, people are trying to help, potential job offers. On the other hand, i think i should continue dish-washing for at least a week. There's some obligation… (but if i think for myself, perhaps i should drop dish-washing right now.)
i will go thru every email, and comment on this page, and hacker news or reddit or elsewhere, eventually. Mostly likely reply too.
my bitcoin address is: 19dfoa3Q7oehm9MwCULQzBG8vqfCaeMazH
1 room to rent. My brother moved out a year ago.
you pay $800/month. It's 2 bedrooms, 1 bath room, 1 kitchen, 1 living room. Includes internet, wireless. 1 dedicated roofed parking, and 1 guest parking. (quite neighborhood).
I basically stay in my room in front of computer every minute of my waking hour. No TV, no loud music. Not furnished. The living room is basically empty.
Contact me to come have a look. (email@example.com)